#pain pals

[tavyliasin]

A gift, from Tavylia and the Dear Abdirak fans who made this happen, and of course the star of the show himself~

Hello darlings, dear ones, and sinners all~ This cameo is our gift, for all of us who know pain a little too intimately. Written and joint funded by Abdirak fans and Lia, to provide some measure of comfort. Please, enjoy, know you are heard, you are loved, and you are never alone when enduring the most intense of Loviatar's affections. (And all my gratitude to Declan for making this so very swiftly right before going offline for his holiday)

--- The script, including content there was no space for, and some more notes from Lia, will follow after the cut~ This one is clean, no NSFW content, so feel free to proceed at your leisure. For those new here, please be aware that the majority of my content is around NSFW writing with a few art shares and essays on fandom things. Welcome, and I hope you enjoy your stay even if you're only here for this one video.

About The Script

Even with the additional payment, the maximum character limit in a request is 650. My original draft? 1117. We got out the knives, we cut it up, we boiled it down to the most pertinent line, and still had to defenestrate some of the punctuation. Far be it from me to ever know the meaning of brevity, loves, simply not in my extensive vocabulary. I also cannot thank Declan enough for the stunning performance, both in the game and in the cameo, and for giving us a character who we can relate to and adore in so many unexpected ways.

The Script We Sent

[greeting] Loviatar Maiden of Pain felt the echo of your pain singing through infinite realities. In her mercy, she has allowed us to speak. Agony is a cloak that you wear, armour you cannot remove, it is as bound to you as the guilt you feel for its very presence. I might envy you, but you did not choose this path. Your penitence is unnecessary. Let go, dear one, do not punish yourself further. The ebb and flow of exquisite torment, the rise & fall of the tides, you need not try so hard to swim. Breathe. Whether it is of the flesh or mind, your devotions have been heard. [reminder to share burdens/rely on each other/not alone/anything else]

The Original Draft Script

Greetings, Dear Ones, beloved of Loviatar - perhaps too beloved, in your case… Your pain sang through the fabric of the planes of infinite realities, catching and pulling at the Weave like a loose thread. My Goddess, the Maiden of Pain, she felt your echo through her web. Through her mercy, she has allowed me to speak with you. Agony is a cloak that you wear, an armour you cannot remove, it is as bound to you as the guilt you feel for its very presence. I might envy you…but you did not choose this path. Your penitence is not necessary. Let it go, dear one, do not punish yourself further. The ebb and flow of exquisite torment, the rise and fall of the tides, you need not try so hard to swim through them all. Breathe, keep your head above the water. Whether it is of the flesh or of the mind, your devotions have been heard by our most beloved Maiden of Pain. You endure it well, and you are not alone. There are other voices that sing her melody, listen for them, share your burdens and know you are all very dearly loved by the most gracious Loviatar. Even if her affections are a little excessive…

Lia's Notes And Thanks

First of all, a HUGE thank you to the dear ones who helped this happen, with encouragement, editing advice, and throwing some pennies in the pot to cover the cost I couldn't do alone. I shan't name names but you are already well aware of the endless affection I hold for you all. For everyone else, I really do hope this brings you some measure of comfort. It's important to recognise how much we tend to give of ourselves even when we suffer most, and how harsh we can be towards ourselves too.

You are not a burden, having needs is normal and natural, the people who matter most should be there to support you just as you would wish to be there to support them were your roles reversed.

We can rely on each other to a degree, even if it is just to listen, to say "I understand, it's alright to feel all of the things you are feeling. You do not have to be strong, you do not have to wear that mask of endurance with me." So do let go of that guilt, dear one, it does not serve you. If you would like to read more of a discussion on chronic pain, Abdirak, fandom, please see the main essay on the topic (click here) though be aware there is discussion of the more spicy topic of how pleasure and pain can be entwined, even for those of us who feel too much pain in our every day.

Tavylia's Offer

I'm going to round this one off with a simple offer to you all. Should you wish for words of comfort from a beloved character (probably BG3 but if I know the character well enough I can try others), send them to my ask box, or on Discord/Twitter/Anything on my Carrd. This is what I have worked on before, mostly SFW (only some light suggestive moments) as the focus is on comfort to the reader.

Abdirak - Migraine Comfort Yurgir - Migraine Comfort Tav - General Comfort, with Audio Multi-Character Comfort Drabbles (Including Abdirak)

If my little words can bring you any measure of comfort or relief, you need only ask.

Farewell for now, Dear Ones, darlings, loves, Pain Pals, - all of you. Please take care of yourselves - hydrate, nourish, and for the sake of the gods please allow yourself some rest and be kind to yourself for a change. And I do mean all of you. No exceptions, now. Love yourself with grace and forgiveness, care for yourself as if you were the most precious friend you have ever made. I hope to see you all very soon~

May Loviatar's blessings be more merciful. ~ Lia

[justanillvampire]

Pain Pals Wanted

I just want some friends. Some randoms to chat to. Anyone out there just wanting to chat or start a online friendship? Just have to be 18+ because I’m old (25) and I don’t want to have to worry about what I say. The conversation could be anything your problems/venting, plants, the weather 😹 I dont care. I just feel so disconnected from this tumblr since my old one got shadow banned and on a separate note I’m just so lost in life.

[gayjaytodd]

just in case you're wondering how bad antisemitism is online by now: my friend had to take down the memorial post she made on IG for her dad and stepmum (who died less than a week ago) bc people were spamming it with "free palestine" and "two less zionists is a good thing" comments

[nomlioart]

merry rizzmas everyone

[vanellinzucker]

the brainrot is real ..

[mourn-and-watch]

no but essek's abnormal behaviours in the last arc and especially in episode 140 are my roman empire. which is ironic because aeor is something of a roman empire itself. but in all seriousness, it was the episode that made me realise i love essek and his development so much and it kinda summarised it even before caleb's epilogue.

and i mean the "it's not fair" scene specifically. it's like, an epitome of his whole character progression from a person who put An Objectively Important Goal above all else without hesitation to someone who can't help but care for people around even more than his goal, no matter how big and relevant it is.

the mighty nein - and he alongside them - pretty much saved the world and freed an ancient city from thousand-year-long suffering. they defeated nine extremely powerful menacing entities who managed to stay out of everyone's sight for years and were so close to achieving their goal and dooming exandria in the process. they did the impossible and became heroes and somehow, they survived, even though they had bidden farewells a couple of hours ago because they had already understood what they had been facing. and nevertheless. they made it.

and none of them was celebrating.

mighty nein are basically essek's only friends. he knew them to be very unusual people, to put it lightly, loud and stubborn and completely inescapable once they consider you to be one of their own. and they showed him so much kindness and put so much faith in him, they were here playing the most atrocious music ever and digging clay in his backyard for a spell they invented just to help one of theirs and asking him if he could bring them pastries the day after they found out he was lying to them and had started a war. they were chaotic and weird and sometimes unbearable but most importantly they were carrying so much hope with them all this time - a hope they could end the war, a hope they could stop the angel of irons cult, a hope they could get better, a hope he could get better, and now, finally, that they could save their lost friend.

and that hope shattered, just like that, the moments after they'd already made the impossible. they saved so many souls - and then could not get back just that one.

for essek "my intentions were never good they were important" thelyss it just. shouldn't have mattered. they won. it could have been worse. people die and when they die they rarely come back. they should've been happy everyone else barely made it alive.

but for some reason, mighty nein being so defeated after they saved the world exposed him to that overwhelming feeling of injustice and unfairness. and i mean, there were many things essek considered to be unfair, but when i watched his first appearance and his interactions with mighty nein later on til their reunion in aeor arc, i wouldn't dare to guess that one of the things on that list would be something that personal. and personal not even to him.

the thing is, essek didn't even know who that guy was. why mighty nein cared about him so much. he had an idea, i guess, that he was their friend once, or someone in that body was. it was also a person who wanted to unleash a terrifying horrific aberration onto the material plane. it was a person very dedicated to killing essek and his friends - and they still didn't take any pleasure in fighting him. essek didn't feel strongly about lucien or molly, because he never knew them.

i don't think he mourned his death and failed resurrection. he mourned mighty nein's hope, the one they put in him when they had no reason to, the one they offered yasha in the cathedral and the one they kept after the spell for veth failed and the one they carried til the very end because they wanted it to reach molly. they had saved people with this hope. they had saved nations. they had saved the world. but they ended up feeling like it hadn't even been worth anything.

how desperate would it feel, witnessing people who for some reason always saw good in you when they absolutely shouldn't, who made literal miracles out of nothing, who ended wars and fought gods and tricked the hags and freed cities from horrors beyond anyone's comprehension purely because they thought it was the right thing to do and also loved their friends this much, silently crying over a dead body they couldn't bring back to life? how desperate would it feel to realise that with all your knowledge about time you dedicated your life to and threw away any principles for, you can't undo this? no one can. some things are left to fate alone and this time it wasn't kind to them. no matter how much good they did, they still got slapped in the face.

and it was, i think, such a genuine moment of empathy. like, essek is the character who prefers to put up a facade and act distant and self-composed but this time he just. walked away unable to watch this. the could only say to fjord that it wasn't fair. even when he was caught off guard in nicodranas he was able to explain himself and his motives to an extent even though he was a nervous wreck whose extra important plan went to hell the second the only people he cared about appeared. this time he had nothing to elaborate on. it just wasn't fair. it wasn't fair his friends didn't get what they wanted the most. it wasn't fair he couldn't do anything to make it right.

it is such a sad and beautiful and even cathartic scene because it is about person who started a war that destroyed so many lives - and then met this ragtag group of weirdos who saw a lonely stand-offish guy and said "hey, let's be friends!" and didn't even wait for him to answer. he saw them being serious and calculated and he saw them being ridiculous and extremely stupid, he saw their mistrust to outsiders and their loyalty to each other, he made spells with them and paid a visit to their hot tub, he ate their stale pastries and drank their hot chocolate mixed with whiskey, he was welcomed amongst them and in their wonderful home, both in xhorhas before they even found out what he had done and in the tower when they already knew - and then, he saw them mourning their loss, defeated and helpless, and he, a person who believed there were things more important than whole nations, let alone just one life, couldn't help but share the pain they felt. a pure display of compassion from someone who detached himself from it, who didn't believe he could grow into a better person capable of it again, but became one nonetheless without even realising it

[rayix]

Mugman edit just because

[good-beans]

Prisoner @gunsli-01, here and ready for Trial 1!

Crimes: Drawing in unsuspecting victims with elaborate analyses and meta, and then slamming them with Es and Kazui emotions, T1 guilties angst, and Kotoko’s attacks!! Also, putting a round of ocs through brand new milgram horrors at @milgrammaintenance (Think of the children!) So, wardens, what will it be?

[crimeronan]

God. Luz finally working up the courage to tell Hunter he's a Grimwalker only to introduce the subject as "Okay. The bad thing that Belos told me about a while ago. It has something to do with you, and I think you should know what it is." Hunter's mind immediately goes to awful no-good bad places such as "Things that were meant to be kept in the non-Luz family specifically" and then Luz just says it's that he's a Grimwalker and Hunter lets out the BIGGEST SIGH OF RELIEF EVER. To which Luz is ???

:(((

kiddos....

i can imagine hunter probing luz for information on what a grimwalker is & luz explains the clone thing & hunter is like "oh. am i.... real....?"

and luz is like. OF COURSE you are. of course you're real of course you are. you're hunter you think and feel and love just like any other witch. you're my hunter you've always been my hunter

and hunter is like. well all right. then why would i... care...?

luz, getting increasingly upset: you weren't the only one. he kept learning more and more about how to make you all closer to what he wanted and i kept messing up-

hunter: oh. huh.

luz: what do you mean, 'huh'??

hunter: ....that actually explains a lot.

luz: i'm so sorry, i-

hunter: what?? no no luz this isn't your fault. i don't care about any of this. you think it matters to me?? all i've ever cared about is making sure YOU'RE not what he wanted. i don't Care what happens to me. as long as he left you alone. you know that. i can be anyone, i can be anything. it's Okay, luz. as long as i can keep you safe

luz: but i have to keep you safe too. i have to keep you safe too, you're family-

hunter: --and you did. you already did. he's gone, luz. he's never going to touch either of us ever again. YOU did that for me. it's OKAY.

& then luz grabs onto him and just. cries into his shoulder for a while.

[lovereadandwrite]

“I am [anime] Jesus! I am the messiah! Your little [BSD multi-verse] is about to change forever” - Dospool🙂‍↕️🙏

[shiawasekai]

My Baroness, the fetchling Sithelra, and her animal companion. A Spirit Guide Oracle thanks to the Call of the Wild mod.

[readythefanons]

self-critique - faded

DE voice lines (Harry's skills) + music

This one was built around a few scenes: the self critique resolution, the memory of sledding and Harry’s mom, and the whistling scene (failed attempt version).

Duration: 3:14

gosh reddy i love these weird audios i'd love to hear more

Credits, comments, and transcript below the jump

Comments & Credits

This was my most ambitious project so far, mostly because I had several specific scenes I wanted to pull from, and to get those audio clips I had to draw from… six? Audio sources? So that was a lot, for me :) But I’m really grateful I was able to find the audio clips I wanted. (Self critique + the shivers memory from the measurehead scene + the narration from the whistling scene with Kim + the electrochem line about rewriting synapses)

I want to give some Tumblr thank-yous. Specifically, I’m grateful for this tumblr post from doddsmountain, which made me aware of the shivers narration from the measurehead scene. As for the electrochem voice line, I came to know about it from this tumblr post by suresne. Thank you to @doddsmountain and @suresne for unknowningly contributing to this project :) [i don't know you personally so i apologize if you dislike being tagged and please lmk if you would like me to untag you!]

Duration: 3:14

Rigorous self-critique voice lines from FolLow

Volition voice lines by GrandFrance

Electrochemistry voice lines from The 41st Precinct (*link corrected!)

Shivers voice lines from

Pain threshold voice lines by GrandFrance

Sunken Motor Carriage scene voice lines by Luckless Lovelocks

Music: “Faded” by CalvinClavier on Pixabay

Ocean and seagull sound effects are also from Pixabay

Assembled in Audacity

More like this

=Transcript=

RSC: You let life defeat you. All the gifts your parents gave you, all the love and patience of your friends, you drowned in a neurotoxin. And, above all, you let misery win. And it will keep on winning ‘til you die -- or overcome it.

V: You can. It's possible, because time is possible.

EC: Synapses can be rerouted. The mind takes on a new shape.

V: Streets and sodium lights. The sky, the world. This is somewhere to be. This is all you have, but it's still something.

PT: Breathe.

V: This isn’t the end of the world yet.

PT: Just breathe.

SH: Something moves in the depths of your mind, sending shocks of cold through the connective tissue. You're sitting on a kicksled, whizzing through the snow. A warm, kind presence is guiding the sled behind you, her mittened hand resting on your back. You feel very, very loved -- and very, very safe.

PT: It’s okay. Breathe in slowly.

V: Weave this into the story of you. This might help against whatever comes next.

Steel yourself. Push on. Just wade through the hell. Month after month. Year after year: you against the nothingness. Walk out of its ruins. Save those who still can be saved. You’re still alive.

You can do it. It’s nothing. Do it for the city, not for yourself. For the people of Revachol.

PT: Breathe.

V: Just remember that you’ve made it this far, and it’s just a bit farther now. Let’s finish this.

N: With his lips puckered the lieutenant lets out a beautiful melodic trill that puts even the Insulindic thrush to shame.

You hear the sound echo on the large body of water. Clouds race across the spring sky and suddenly you just feel better. About everything.

V: You will make it.

.

[Attributions are as follows:

RSC: Rigorous self-critique

V: Volition

EC: Electrochemistry

PT: Pain threshold

SH: Shivers

N: Narration from the “sunken motor carriage” scene.]

[good-beanswrites]

One more scene from Fuuta-Es convos with @waivyjellyfish for now :3 I liked exploring Es' post-canon mindset as an ex-murder investigator... Like my other drabble, I don't have the details worked out but Milgram is over and they're living at the Kajiyamas' now.

What Fuuta didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

It’s what Es told themself as they slipped into his clothes. They’d spotted the outfit at the bottom of Fuuta’s closet a few days ago, then decided to bide their time. With Fuuta and his sister downstairs having breakfast, there was a small window of opportunity now.  

Es stuck their arm through the red-striped sleeve. They still didn’t know what possessed them to put it on. 

Was it the appeal of something familiar? In a world devoid of all memories, they enjoyed the idea of putting on at least one outfit that they’d seen hundreds of times on their little music video screen. Is it possible to be comforted by someone else’s memories?

Was it old habits? They’d spent each trial doing anything and everything to feel closer to the prisoners. To take a peek into their minds. To step into their shoes. This was taking it a bit literally, they knew. Although everything was over and they had no reason to connect so deeply to any of the prisoners, Es couldn’t get away from the duty they’d obsessed over for so long.

Maybe it was just their troublesome curiosity, always driving them forward. There was a small part of them that hungered for more information, no matter the reason. They were perfectly aware that putting on Fuuta’s red and blue tracksuit would probably offer them absolutely nothing new, but they had to try. Something might be revealed to them, and they needed to know. 

Es stood in front of the full length mirror. They turned one way. They turned the other way. They shifted their arms. They cocked their head.

Sure enough, nothing. 

They took note of the little details. It was a little big on them, (though  it wouldn’t take them long to catch up to Fuuta’s size). It was neither fashionable nor tacky. The material wasn’t exactly comfortable, but at least it felt warm.

But, did it make them feel any closer to Fuuta?

They contemplated a moment, thinking of all that he may have done in the outfit. There were so many classes these pants had walked to, so many arcade coins that these pockets had held. Es wondered if his friends ever nudged the shoulders of the jacket playfully. Maybe they weren’t the type. It had probably seen it’s share of all nighters. And also lazy days spent in bed, or sick days laid up on the couch.

They puffed their chest out, thinking of the confidence Fuuta may have had wearing this. They pulled the hood over their hair. It had likely seen just as much as his hesitance. How many times had he sunk into the thick material for an escape? Or was there an opposite effect – did he feel so comfortable in this that he could commit murder?

Es stared at themself.

There came some shuffling out in the hall. Before Es could move, Fuuta was shouting to his sister and bursting into the room.

“Will you get out of my fucking hair if I bring it to you right –” he froze. “Now...”

Es, too, was frozen in place, their eyes wide. 

“I-I’m sorry.” They started unzipping the jacket. “I saw it and… I didn’t mean to –”

“ – It’s fine,” Fuuta muttered. He waved his hand dismissively. He started shuffling things around in his desk drawer, angling his head down, out of sight. His voice was strained, though it wasn’t as angry as Es had been expecting. “It’s not like I’m ever gonna wear it again.”

Es carefully folded the jacket over their arm. “I wasn’t trying to bring up the past. I was just…” What had they been doing? 

“I said it’s fine.” 

“I know it’s not.”

“You don’t know anything. Wear it every day for all I care. I was just gonna toss it.”

“You still can. Or, I can.”

“Nah.” Fuuta retrieved what he was looking for. He paused in the doorway, taking one last look over his shoulder. “Looks better on you, anyway.”

Es straightened in surprise as he left. They took another look in the mirror. They allowed themself a small smile. They might have undersold how comfortable it was.

Now that they were thinking of it, they did look pretty cool… Maybe that was all there was to it.

[buyakasha]

Major Spoilers for Dungeon Meshi!!!

I don't like shipping characters based purely off "omg they looked at each other", or simply because it's the Popular Ship, especially when it comes to mlm pairs, but I do tend to ship characters based on chemistry or the potential for chemistry, canon be damned. I'm not super far into dungeon meshi but I really like the potential between Laios and Kabru, and this is the page that got me considering it

I have no idea how this story will go, and frankly at this point Kabru still has me on edge, but in this one page you can see they have legitimate respect for each others skills and strengths. I hope they become friends(Laios deserves a dang friend omg), and if I have some fun shipping them on the side, sue me

[swordsonnet]

the most annoying thing about me/cfs is that it's more like 10 different illnesses in a trenchcoat. i'll wake up with a new symptom and be like "oh okay, guess that's what we're doing today"

[chompe-diem]

ok i've listened to the latest ep now and u cannot tell me albin and sol are not qpr. sorry but they are bonded 4 lyfe like that. we already knew this but now it's finally canon. Do Not Ask Caldwell Or Murph but it's canon. i'm not crazy-